Former staffer says it’s labeled: “BREAK GLASS IF RATINGS DROP”
By: Tabloid Confidential
Greg Gutfeld, Fox News’ late-night rebel and reigning king of conservative comedy, may have a secret he’s been hiding in plain sight.
According to a former staffer who asked to remain anonymous (but says they once shared a green room snack tray with Gutfeld), the host keeps a mysterious black leather briefcase locked inside his personal office — with a chilling label on the front:
“BREAK GLASS IF RATINGS DROP.”
“It’s not a joke. We all thought it was a gag prop at first,” the source claims. “But one day, Greg got very serious when someone tried to open it ‘just to see what’s inside.’ He said, ‘If you touch that, I’ll have to activate Plan B.’”
What exactly is Plan B?
While no one has officially confirmed the contents of the briefcase, rumors have swirled among staff and insiders for months. One whispered theory: it contains a burner phone with direct access to a secret network of meme creators. Another source says it holds a list of banned phrases, emergency monologue scripts, and — oddly — a blonde wig labeled ‘MSNBC Escape Kit.’
But the most outlandish theory yet?
“There’s allegedly a pre-recorded video of Greg announcing he’s defecting to The Daily Show,” the insider added. “Just in case, you know… things go sideways.”
Fox News has declined to comment on the existence of the briefcase.
Gutfeld himself, when asked in a recent podcast interview if he has a “backup plan,” simply laughed and said:
“Let’s just say… I’m never out of ideas. Or disguises.”
Whether this is just another chapter in Gutfeld’s elaborate sense of humor or a real-life contingency plan only he understands — one thing’s for sure:
If that briefcase ever opens, the media world better buckle up.